Berlin: Bratwurst, Currywurst and Dicke Weiners. Yes, you read that right

by - November 01, 2014

"Berlin ist arm, aber sexy" (poor but sexy)

As soon as you arrive in Berlin there is the option to get sausage from the train station. LOL. Unbelievable. A range of weiners stare out at you (save the one-eyed jokes) from behind a glass counter where a buxom middle-aged woman wraps them up in tissues for you. Can't decide to have which one? have 'em all; they're so cheap! 

The above quote proves itself to be true through the apparent lack of fatties, which is remarkable given how delicious their traditional cuisine is. In Munich, the sheer amount of people using bikes to get around and exercising- and not just your standard joggers - but those in parks; on slacklines, in outdoor gyms, which are free to use, was something to be inspired by and yet this can't be the only reason the people of Berlin are so fit. Fit-fit or hot-fit?  

Well, sexy is everywhere.  From their most widely recognised national food: The Sausage, being the most phallic food around, to the beer, which, as we all know, lowers inhibitions and lubricates any social situation, resulting in a bloody good time - and with 'beer googles' going on, turning everyone into 10s they're connecting people everywhere. So they serve that in litres. What else? recent research has shown that beer makes your boobs grow*. That's right. Yes, it does also make your belly grow but that's not the point here because we are selective about what we believe and this fact is too good to just leave. So, if you haven't been to Germany, just imagine that everyone is just trollied on beer with their pants down and their (big) tits out devouring sausages left, right and centre. 


Dicke Weiner was the first sausage to be tasted and, naively, it was not due to it's cheeky name - it was appealing enough through looks alone. "Well hello Mr. Weiner, you are certainly not as the name suggests". I'm not gonna lie, it was like biting into a raw sausage. Thick skin, very fatty - we're talking bits of fat getting stuck between your teeth - and cold, very soft, meat. The taste? awesome. If you can get over the flaccid texture and  temperature you are in for an enjoyable, cheap treat (thrill). Thumbing-in optional.

In Alexandrplatz we got Chilliwurst - a blend of pork and beef with a good level of heat. Meaty heat. They are all just so LONG! Flopping over the sides of the buns.The stalls sell cold, smoked sausages for you to buy in strings to bring home and replace your pissed Peparami habit with something a bit more substantial and mature and some of the stinkiest cheese known to man.

We got Currywurst from, apparently, the best place to get it in Berlin, Curry36.  What is it? Basically cut-up sausage with chips covered in an insanely salty ketchup sauce with a hint of curry. The verdict? don't know what all the hype is about - it was inedible due to the saltiness and most of us left it and then felt so wrong afterwards that the only possible solution was to get a taxi immediately to Lidl to get some broccoli and spinach and fill our bellys with goodness for peace of mind. Bogging. 


The delicious Weissbier  (pronounced 'vicebeer') is made predominantly from wheat and means 'White Beer' in German. Served with head (lol) don't complain just get stuck in and in equally big jugs (ok that's enough), sorry, glasses. 


Scnitzel is a great word to say but can it ever really be 'good' to eat? it's essentially a big chicken nugget - harsh yes but we're being honest here. Reminiscent of school dinners before anyone had the pleasure of a Jamie Oliver intervention. Ok we got it from a Turkish fast-food joint on a street corner which also served falafels which could have come frozen from Iceland so it's hard to really judge - Schnitzel needs to be tasted in a restaruant, done properly which draws attention to the burning issue that there are NO German restaurants in Brighton? No, the hotdog stand outside Churchill Square does NOT count. In fact, lots of European countries are missing out on Brighton's enthusiasm for International food so well demonstrated by the amass of world cuisine everywhere. Luckily we have the annual christmas market in which we can devour plenty of Bratwust and more!


There doesn't seem to be much else around that is more comforting than warm apple strudel dusted generously with icing sugar and served wtih vanilla ice cream. More in Brighton please. 


So these are funny. Balls of dough, with quark cheese inside, shallow fried in oil. Sound good? Yes in theory, sounds like something you would get as a size at Dominos - stodgy, satisfying junk food. Reality? rubbish. Said cheese was initially undectable but in hope that the next bite would contain the gold, more bites were had until it got thrown in the bin in dissapointment.

Chocoballs however (Rumkugeln) - same sort of thing, stodgy dough balls but with rum and chocolate inside, were a lot better. Personally though, I would have doubled the quanities of both! See below picture - all the chocoballs are gone!
If you are a clean eater, these are your worst nightmare. 


This was a very nice surprise, to find at the market amongst the sausages and beer and other stodge and fat-making, hard to digest, nutritionally-void (we're being honest remember) food, was a lovely big pot of garlicky sauteed mushrooms. Cooked perfectly and served with a creamy sauce with optional cracked black pepper, which IMO is an absolute must with mushrooms - A tip I owe to Ian at The Seven Bees cafe in Brighton. 

Fat Kate's spare tire food

Finally, on the note of health, during a Fat Tire bike-tour our guide, Kate (the title may make more sense now) took us to Shleusen Krug beer garden, one of the biggest beer gardens in Berlin and whilst we had a final beer to say goodbye to Berlin we were extremely impressed by the food that was served there. You are looking at the Autumn Salad with fried halloumi. Check out their menu for a real idea of the good food that is available in Germany, it doesn't have to be sausages, pretzels and other health nightmares. Unfortunately I didn't manage to find saukraut which was a shame as it's a love, and it's also one of the probiotic health foods from a previous blog post - more on that to come but it's there and it's a great national food.   

German's are clever - we know that, and it's refelcted in their cuisine. Sure they have beer and sausages and strudel and pretzels to indulge in, but if you look a little closer, like the above picture shows, they have great creativity and huge health awareness so it's been  nice to break the mould and be able to see German food differently.  I came back poor, sexy is questionable given the beer belly. 

*You can read the truth about the estrogen in hops here

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